For Millennials. By Millennials.

The Sopranos, Re-imagined In Quarantine

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It’s really fun to imagine how many characters of our favorite shows would have dealt with quarantine. And fans of The Sopranos would be dying to see how Tony and the gang would deal with it. We all know that Tony Soprano, Meadow, Carmela, A.J., Paulie, Sylvio, Uncle Junior, were already crazy. However, just imagine them trapped in quarantine! Well, we won’t have to imagine it any longer.

The Sopranos, quarantined!

On the 6th episode of the amazing Talking Sopranos podcast, with Steven Schirripa and Michael Imperioli as hosts, we got a pleasant surprise. David Chase, who was the creator of the Sopranos, wrote down a scene imagining the entire cast of the show under quarantine. However, there are a few catches. It assumes that many characters are brought back to life, but I think we’re okay with this. Moreover, Chase was happy to share this script with the Schirripa and Imperioli, with Schirripa thanking him with these words:

It’s the first time he’s written them since 2007 and he was nice enough to let us read that.

So, without waiting any further, let’s take a look at the Sopranos in Quarantine script.

Tony and the family, quarantined

The first thing that comes into our mind is Tony’s family. After all, they were pretty much the main focus of the show. Moreover, it might even be fair to classify the Sopranos as a family drama. So, let’s take a look at how they’ll be doing in quarantine:

PAULIE WALNUTS: Man, people call me a germaphobe. Big laugh. Now all I’ve got to say is: See, motherf***ers? And I knew some f**kin’ thing like this was going to happen. I saw the Holy Mother at Bada Bing.

TONY SOPRANO: Sports betting? F***ing gone with the wind, along with professional sports. Me and my friends are dying over here. The president might have a point. Let’s get business and manufacturing going again — by Easter, May Day, whatever the f***.

MEADOW SOPRANO: I should’ve gone to medical school. I feel so bad about my decision.

CARMELA SOPRANO: I’m so glad my daughter didn’t go to medical school. Imagine where’d she be right now.

CHRISTOPHER MOLTISANTI: I’ve been to Hollywood. Out there they should call it the swine flu.

ADRIANA LA CERVA: I’d volunteer or something. I feel so bad. I’ve been crying a lot, but I got an underlying condition. Irritable bowel syndrome, right? I can’t reach my doctor to find out if that would exclude me passing out masks or something.

DR. MELFI: I’m on the second line over the hospital. When and if those brave docs burn out, I’m out next.

A.J. SOPRANO: At one time I wanted to work for Trump. You believe it? F*** me, dude.

CARMELA: We’re not doing well with the quarantine in our house. It’s making me face the music that this is a dysfunctional family. But it’s keeping my husband in, which is good.

How would things be for waste management business?

Yeah, we all know they’ll be going crazy at their homes, but what about business? We all know about Tony’s “waste management consultation” business, so how would it fare in quarantine? Well, David Chase covered that for us too, so let’s take a look:

TONY: Bing f***in’ shut down, my income stream was already compromised. We can keep the pork store open, though, essential critical infrastructure. Pork!

SILVIO DANTE: We told the girls we’d keep them all on furlough. Lap dancers were the first to go.

JUNIOR SOPRANO: What’s everybody upset about?

JOHNNY SACK: It used to be part of our thing, going to the mattresses. But this?

BOBBY BACALA: Yes, that’s all emergency. I took all this sh*t because I got my predictions about it wrong. They said Quasimodo, T said Nostradamus, my wife bought a Nostradamus book, and I looked and it didn’t say anything about this. Weird thing is, though, my son Robert went to Notre Dame.

JUNIOR: I saw on Fox this jerk-off, the lieutenant governor of Texas, said he didn’t mind dying to help the economy because he’s over 70 with some grandkids or some sh*t. Maybe we can help him out with that.

PHIL LEOTARDO: Truckload of hand sanitizer, I’m cleaning up.

TONY: In my father’s day, you got polio, tuberculous, whatever the f***, you dealt with it. Whatever happen to Gary Cooper?

LIVIA SOPRANO: You know what I’m gonna say.

We can only reminisce this script in words

This is honestly exactly how all of them would deal with quarantine. But, it’s sad that we won’t ever get to see this on the screen. Much of the cast is too old and fragile, however, the real reason is definitely James Gandolfini. Fans still haven’t gotten over his death, and it saddens us that such an awesome Sopranos quarantine reunion will only be some words on a piece of paper.

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