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When Howard Stern wrote a song implying Jerry Seinfeld is a pedophile

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Jerry Seinfeld is arguably the biggest name in comedy. From doing incredible stand-up comedy to making the most influential sitcom of all time, he’s done it all in the field. But, there’s one thing in his past that would have categorically had him canceled in this day and age. And that was dating a 17-year-old while he himself was 38. What’s even funnier is that Howard Stern wrote and sang a song about it as well, basically implying that Jerry Seinfeld is a pedophile.

Related: When A 38-Year-Old Jerry Seinfeld Dated An Underage Girl

Press had a field day when the 38-year-old Seinfeld star dated 17-year-old Shoshana Lonstein

When Howard Stern Wrote A Song Implying Jerry Seinfeld Is A Pedophile
Wikimedia Commons

Back in 1993, Jerry Seinfeld was at the peak of his popularity. His show Seinfeld was breaking all kinds of records for sitcoms and he was the flagbearer of comedy in the United States. So, one day, he was taking a stroll in New York Central Park, when he stumbled upon a 17-year-old high school senior at the Nightingale-Bamford School, named Shoshana Lonstein. There was a 21-year age difference between Seinfeld and Lonstein, but that was no problem for the comedian as the two dated for four years. She was barely legal at the time the relationship began, as seventeen is the minimum age of consent in New York state. So, Jerry Seinfeld isn’t legally a pedophile. But, he got really close.

After graduating from high school, Lonstein even transferred from George Washington University in Washington DC to UCLA, just to be close to Seinfeld. But, as soon as she graduated from UCLA, their relationship soured and they called it quits. And it’s not like the media didn’t highlight it publicly as there were several news covers, like this one in PEOPLE magazine.

Related: Why Was Jerry Seinfeld Not Canceled Like Chris D’Elia For Dating A Minor?

Howard Stern has asked Jerry Seinfeld on the matter multiple times

When Howard Stern Wrote A Song Implying Jerry Seinfeld Is A Pedophile
Netflix

Of course, Jerry Seinfeld dating someone 21 years younger than him was fodder for the comedian community. And Howard Stern took full advantage of it. After all, dating a 17-year-old girl at his age was still frowned upon back then. So, when Seinfeld showed up at the Howard Stern show, he asked him:

So, you sit in Central Park and have a candy bar on a string and pull it when the girls come?

To that, Seinfeld said she is “definitely not 17”. But, that’s not a satisfactory answer and when he came back to the show he said:

I didn’t realize she was so young. This is the only girl I ever went out with who was that young. I wasn’t dating her. We just went to a restaurant, and that was it.

This was his way of saying he waited till she was 18, but even at 18, the difference is just too incredible to ignore.

Then, Howard Stern made a song implying Jerry Seinfeld was a pedophile

And so, Stern wrote and sang a song on Seinfeld’s affair with Lonstein. He was accompanied by the lovely Janice Ian. In it, Stern just almost directly implies that Jerry Seinfeld is a pedophile. The lyrics are so insane that we can’t write all of them in this article. But, if you want to get a clue, you can read below. Before he performed it on stage, Stern even said “this should really f**k (Jerry’s) new years’ up”. And I am sure it did:

Seinfeld’s girl was 17,
And innocent with double Ds
Saw those br**sts and flipped his lid,

For a real young busty high school kid
A horny lonely TV Geek,

Her major jugs made Jerry weak,
Can’t he find girls his age to date?
She’s 17 and she’s jail bait…

Does Jerry Seinfeld have a brain?
When he sees her does he make a stain?
Can’t he get an older girl?
He’s damn near as old as Milton Berle

Making such a spectacle,
Thinking with your test*cles
If youre gonna make some glue,

You should date some girls as old as you

Of course, if you want to listen to the entire song by Howard Stern, it’s down below. But know that basically, Stern called Jerry Seinfeld a pedophile in all but words. And their relationship has always been tumultuous because of this with on and off feuds and beefs. It’s rare to see mainstream comedians be so bold in this day and age. But, do you guys think Jerry Seinfeld would be canceled had the entire Shoshana Lonstein affair happened today? Let us know in the comments below.

Related: Celebrities Other Than Jerry Seinfeld & Chris D’Elia Who Dated Minors

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